There’s a King of England, Ireland and France

And it’s not this guy:

prince william

It’s this guy.

Yes, I was surprised aswell, but who are we to doubt his credibility? Sure, he may not realise that Ireland has been a republic for nearly 100 years now and France hasn’t had a monarch since 1870, but something rings true about his grammatically-loose, randomly-yellow story of political intrigue.

Basically, he started out as the world’s most amazing and modest singer:

My professional singing career I started, at my age of 21 y. old….  in Vienna Austria, appeared, one day, one very decent looking Australian Christian Family, which to my great surprise, has, immediately, advised me, about my great opportunities to obtain employment, in my Professional Field of Work, as a Professional Singer and Dramatic Tenor, with the Opera Australia, in Sydney

Who is also a descendent of some illegitimate children of King Henry VIII (or so he says):

And when the current monarchs found out, they were none too happy:

it was absolutely clear, that this my English/German Royal ancestry background would be, sooner, or later revealed, and so to avoid this, to happen, they have immediately ordered, to assassinating me, immediately, without any delay…

I’m sure that’s how the assassination order read. Here’s where it gets all “James Bond”:

when they, after they run after me, into their hostel’s big open entertainment hall, where the hostel’s office staffs were allowing me practising my singing, three days ago, (and which I, have entered, just, for the first time, just, to test the acoustics, in this hall, for a moment, before continuing, further, in my way, in to the city, to have, there, also, my lunch,)

Only a man who truly does not know fear would stop to get lunch in the middle of an assassination attempt.

and full of anger and hatreds, they started, surprisingly, aggressively, pointing at me, their finger, and repeatedly confirming and saying to each other :”He is the one,,,!” “He must be the one…!”, (which has, naturally, terribly surprised me, and even scared me, at the same time, as I was, still, not so famous, that the people would running after me, and pointing at me their finger, like they use to do, in the ZOO, at some animal….

“Like they used to do” in the zoo? Clearly some unwanted memories there. Maybe he’s actually descended from the King of the Jungle instead?

Needless to say, he wasn’t assassinated. But the evil English/German hitmen did run him over with their car. Either that, or it was malfunctioning traffic lights, it’s hard to tell:

when these perfectly functioning traffic lights, have perfectly served, them, to trigger their attempted murder, and without these perfectly functioning traffic lights, which the Australian Police then, immediately, criminally denied, they wouldn’t be able accomplishing this their criminal terrorist attempted murder and assassination’s attempt, at all!

It goes on for another 6 pages and I honestly can’t read any more of it.

Anyway, I’ll hope you’ll all join me in welcoming our new overlord and let us pray that he’ll be a benevolent ruler; one who may, on occassion, if we’re lucky, grace us with a melody from his world-famous lungs.

Long live the King!

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