Geese are the optimal tool for wiping your arse

This was just on Qi and Stephen Fry would never lie. It comes from a 16th Century French satirical writer François Rabelais, who had his character Gargantua (from the novel Gargantua and Pantagruel) investigate the best method for “cleaning oneself after defecating.”

That’s the polite way of saying it.

Gargantua decides pretty quickly that toilet paper is a complete waste of time, rhyming that:

“Who his foul tail with paper wipes, Shall at his ballocks leave some chips.”

I have absolutely no idea what that means, but nobody likes chips on their ballocks.

Gargantua goes on to try out loads of different animals:

But he eventually concludes that “the neck of a goose, that is well downed” is the optimum cleansing medium.

So, in summary:

goose toilet paper

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